Why I need to find my voice

I was rolling ideas around in my head for a theme for the 31-day writing challenge. I had several ideas I was mulling over, when I felt the Lord say "finding your voice." Once I heard that I could not remember the other ideas that had been floating around in my head just moments before. I knew it was the right fit. You see, I started this blog in November 2011 and I LOVED it. I loved sitting down and putting my thoughts into a post. I didn't try to censor what I was writing or my even my feelings, I just put it all out there. It was very freeing. 

Then, a few years ago a couple started bullying me. I was not in a position where I could avoid them and even though I tried to get help many times, nothing was resolved. They spoke into my life in ways they had no business doing. They talked about what I posted on Facebook, how I was always negative, they talked about how I parented, about how I taught, they insinuated that things were not right in my marriage, and the more it went on the more I shrunk into myself. I no longer posted freely. I second, third, or 100th time doubted what I should post, what I should say, what I should do. I knew that what they were saying was not true. But, 2+ years of them constantly putting me down had it's toll on me and I lost my voice. I went through a phase where I pretty much only posted Bible Verses on social media because no one could say I was being negative if I did that. I avoided them as much as I could, but it didn't matter, they would just private message me. 

Anyway, that is why I feel the need to find my voice again. I spoke of it a little bit here, but every time I sit down to write on this blog, I freeze up. I can "force" myself to write every once in a while, but I don't love it like I used to because I am so scared of what will be said about what I write. Those people are no longer in my life and I want to completely break the chains they had over me and be able to freely post, write, whatever I want, whenever I want. I need to find my voice again.

So, for this particular challenge, I want to find my writing voice again. It may not look the same as it
used to, but the Lord might take me right back to where I was. Regardless, I know where to look when I need something, and that is to my Lord and Savior. 

One of my favorite songs when I feel needy and down is "Lord I Need You" by Matt Maher.

Lord I Need You by Matt Mayer

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
Where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
When I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You 

You can listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuvfMDhTyMA

Is there something you need? What will it take for you to go after it? Let's find the courage to explore our needs together.