War Museum

A few weeks ago we took a field trip to the War Museum. It was quite a bit bigger than I expected it to be. It was 4 floors and had so much to see (if you are into war stuff!). Here are some pictures from our trip. Elijah's favorite part was the planes and cannons. Kayla's favorite part was carrying around our friends' one and a half year old!

A promise

I am having one of those days. Again. You know the kind. The kid or kids get up too early. You get news you did not want to hear. You are drying your hair with a hairdryer, the same as you do every day, but, on this day, you nail yourself in the forehead, bruising on contact. By this time you realize you are tired, and getting grumpy. Then an alarm in the house starts beeping. Thankfully husband had only gotten to the ground floor and hadn't left the building yet, so he comes back up to fix the alarm. I knew it would put my right over the edge to have to listen to that incessant beeping all day. Then a child throws a small fit. You try to teach school, but you keep getting interrupted, making your already short patience, shorter. Before very much longer you are a huge bundle of frustration, knowing your head is going to explode any second. You feel like you just need a good cry, but the tears just won't come.

Well, as soon as I could I decided to go and spend a little time by in my room by myself. I came across something I had cut out of a magazine a long time ago. It said 30 days of Do Not Fear verses. Well, I wasn't fearful, just super frustrated and tired and cranky.... But, I decided to go through the verses. I got to the last one and found this promise:

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear: I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 (emphasis mine)

I tell you, I need help. On so many levels. As I am typing this my kids are playing Legoes, quite loudly, in their pretend voices and one of them is singing Christmas carols! I may not be the only one who needs help!!!

Looking in my study Bible, it says this in relation to the verse listed above: "To strengthen them and keep them from stumbling. Do not fear." I don't know if that resonates with you like it does with me. But, I circled this verse in my Bible. I am holding onto the promise that "I will help you." "Strengthen them." "Keep them from stumbling."

If you need a little encouragement today, no matter what you are going through, or how trivial (yes, I know most of what I listed above is trivial and there are people in the world who are facing serious crisis')know that God will help you. I also encourage you to open your Bible and read the few verses above it as well, Isaiah 41:10-13.

Dreaming of snails and puppy dog tails

Okay, not really. Or, at least I am not dreaming of snails, that would be pretty disgusting. I am however dreaming of puppy dog tails. You see, the other day I opened my big fat mouth and promised not one, but both of my children puppies when we finally get back to the states or wherever we end up from here and we are settled. Why did I do this??? I have no idea!! I think I was having a total mental lapse. I should have started the conversation like this "I, Cindy, being of UNSOUND mind and body do solemnly swear to break this promise of buying you both expensive, not shedding dogs..." However, that's not what I said and both kids are super excited about these puppies. Elijah found the exact one online that he wanted and Kayla has visions of hers and they have both already named them. I think I should go ahead and be committed now, because the last thing I want is two puppies. 

So, why did I commit to this insane promise? Well, Matt and I were looking at puppies and discussing them and Elijah happened to ask us what we were doing. I tend not to lie to the kids, so I told him exactly what we were thinking about. I never dreamed they would get so excited or committed to it. But, they did. (I think I should have been a salesman, I sold this one pretty good)

I think the reason I have this dream is because what I really long for is to be settled. I think it's what we are all longing for, to be settled, nestled in, snug as a bug in a rug, snuggling with cute little puppies, cleaning up their little doggy do (oops, reality creeping in here). But, seriously, we are so ready to be away from here. I can't say it enough, unfortunately; that it's not been a great experience for us.

However, I do feel like we've turned the corner (again). I no longer feel the need to cry every day. I would say I am completely over my depression, but I'm just not sure I can say that yet. The kids are okay, but I am sure they are not over theirs either.

The biggest reason I want a puppy is because I know it will help Elijah with his anxiety issues. I also know it will help us all with depression issues. Not to say that when we move again we will be depressed, because hopefully we won't be. But, I think if we had had a puppy here, we would have been less depressed or less likely to get depressed. We would to have had to (or would have to) get out more to walk the dog. It would have ensured that we got out more and that we got more exercise. I am not saying that a dog is a cure all. I said after I got that last puppy that I would NEVER do it again. And, less than 2 years later I am thinking about it again. But, I learned a few things from that disastrous experience and plan to do it right the next time. Starting with getting a puppy around summer time so we have time to train it and care for it, without feeling like it is constantly interrupting our school day or feeling like we are getting nothing else done. 

Now, before any well meaning person decides to pawn a dog off on us, please understand that we are not ready for, nor do we want one now. And, we want a specific type of NON-shedding dog. Not asking for much here, am I? Maybe you should start praying for me now, that I find my mental facilities before we reach this point :)

Earth Science

So, today in Science we started a unit on Earth Science. We started by talking about what we know about Earth Science, what we wanted to know and will end the unit with what we have learned. 
When you start a unit on Earth, the first thing you need to do, is examine the layers, or what makes up the earth. 
Who needs a projector when you have a window? If you need a laugh, try to explain to your kids what an overhead projector is! I know mine have seen them, but it has been so long since they have, that they don't remember what they look like.  Anyway, after discussing the layers of Earth, which include the inner and outer core, lower mantle, upper mantle,and the crust, we made a model, painting the layers, which Kayla and Elijah really enjoyed doing.  
This project got me to thinking. If someone peeled off our layers, what would they find at the core? I know a lot of people like to say "what you see is what you get." Just like that's not true with the earth (we can't see all the layers), it's not true with people either. We are many layers. You have the first layer, which you see in the mirror. But, it's different from the image that others see when they look at us. We are so much more critical when we look at our outer layer, than others are (typically!). Then you have the layer that your family sees, which is a very different picture from what your friends and strangers see. How many layers do we have? I don't know, but I hope that if I was to be taken apart, layer by layer, that at my very core, people would find a heart that longs to be like Jesus. I know I am not perfect, I am a sinner, saved by grace. I stumble each and every day, but I would hope that my core would show how much I am trying to do everything right. I would like to say what you see is what you get, but we are so complex, what is at your core? Have you ever thought about it? What are you striving to be?  "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21

 

Temple of Zeus

So, last weekend we went to the Temple of Zeus. It is one of the easier sites to see and also one of the quicker. We wanted to get out for a little bit before it rained and do something easy, and this fit the bill. I think I have said before, there are so many historical sites here, I think  we could live here forever and not see it all.
I halfway kind of wonder too, with so much history, from wars, temples and Greek gods, if that helps contribute to the depression we find ourselves in. Just a random thought, not really looking for guidance on it, it just happens to be one I have been wondering about recently. Anyway, enjoy the pictures. We really enjoyed walking around the large, green space and seeing all the columns and stuff.

Sunday, Sunday

Hello Sunday. Usually this is a day when we go to Church and then, here in Athens,  come home and veg the rest of the day. Doing family stuff together, and just being lazy. Today, Kayla woke up later than she usually would on a Sunday and got ready for Church, then came in and told me that she just didn't think it was a good idea if she went to Church today. She had been in a funk since yesterday afternoon and I didn't push her. She NEVER wants to miss Church, even when she is sick. She loves going and loves seeing her friends. It's very unusual for her and if she felt like she needed to stay home, then stay home we would.
Matt and Elijah headed off for Church and Kayla went into the Home school room and did a Bible lesson. I worked on my Beth Moore study, Children of the Day. Once she was done with her lesson she came in to see how I was doing. I still had 35 minutes left of my study so I told her to go write in her prayer journal, to write like she was writing her closest friend, with no regard to how the words came out on paper. She came back a while later, smiling and finished my study with me. When I asked her how she was doing she said she was feeling better. Her mood has been so great from that moment on. She poured herself onto the paper and it filled her up. I do that sometimes, where yes, I could pray out loud or in my head, but somehow just pouring it out onto the paper really seems to let it go. I have no idea what she wrote, but I am thankful that she left her burdens at the feet of the one who could handle them best. I am thankful we did not go to Church this morning and she was able to get what she needed most by staying home. Obviously we don't need to stay home every week, we need our Church and we need our fellowship, but I am thankful for the times we can be filled even at home. God doesn't demand that we be fed only at Church, I am so thankful for the opportunity to worship Him from time to time from my couch.
"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Daily Struggles

So, somewhere along the lines, I lost my perspective for this blog. It was always meant to be a "safe" place for me to tell my true feelings. I was writing it for me and me alone, but then I started wondering/worrying what other people will think. When I started doing that, I stopped writing from the heart and started writing more superficially. When I started doing that, I noticed writing felt more like a chore than something that I wanted to do. So, I stopped writing as much. Well, honestly, not that many people actually read this blog and if someone starts reading it and doesn't like what it says, they can always stop reading it and move on to something else. That's part of the beauty of the world we live in. 

I love being around people who are "real" and I like to be real as well. I'm not sure when I stopped being "real" and started faking it, putting that smile on my face. I know that people don't like to be around people who are down all the time and who complain all the time. I am not trying to complain and trying not to be a downer, but I am done faking it.

Since we came back to Athens in January, I have seriously been struggling with depression. The kids have as well, and it's harder for me to gauge how bad their depression is. I know children being depressed is a hard concept to imagine, it was for me too. So, I looked it up. Did you know that: About 2.5% of children in the U.S. suffer from depression. Depression is significantly more common in boys under age 10. But by age 16, girls have a greater incidence of depression. (WebMD) 

I was pretty shocked. I have been debating whether I should get medicated or not. I don't like the idea of being medicated and I dislike having to deal with health care here again. That alone depresses me! But, I know some of my triggers are being overtired and dreary weather. My insomnia is pretty out of control, but I know this is a temporary problem. The dreary weather is also not going to last forever.  I am very thankful that this is only one of our "temporary" homes and it's not our final destination. For now, I am choosing not to be medicated. I feel very heavy and extremely tired, but I am able to see through the darkness and do the things I need to do on a daily basis. We are making the most of our situation and we are trying very hard to get out and do things. 
 

I was listening to music this morning and this song came on by Francesca Battistelli:
                              "Hands Of God"
                           (feat. Matt Hammitt)

On my own
I've been falling to the pressure
There's a weight
That's been heavy on my shouldersI need you
To lift me up
I'm so tired
Of trying to make up new excuses
Faking smiles
Trying to hide I'm only human
I need you
To lift me up
'Cause on my own
Is not enough

[Chorus:]
Every time you speak out
And say the words I need to hear
Every time you reach out
I can feel His love so near
I hope you know
To me you are
The hands of God

I don't doubt
God is with me in the valley
But I believe
He gave me you
To remind me
The face of love
An answered prayer
The hands of God
With me right here[Chorus]

Every time you listen to me
'Cause you know I need a friend
Every time you stop what you're doing
And help me find my way again
I hope you know
To me you are
The hands of God

You are the hand upon my shoulder when I'm hurting
You are the voice of truth and love when I am searching
For every time you reach to help me in my need
One day, Jesus will say, You did it for Me

[Chorus]

Every time you listen to me
'Cause you know I need a friend
Every time you stop what you're doing
And help me find my way again
I hope you know
To me you are
The hands of God

The words that are bold and in italics are the ones that resonated with me so much. I also know that dwelling on negative situations, listening to a lot of music with negative lyrics, or reading books with lots of cussing and negativity are not good for me either. I am taking extreme measures right now by only listening to Christian music, reading books without any cussing and junk and trying not to be a negative, complaining ninny. Trying to capture every thought and turn it over to God. What I need most is to keep my focus on God, looking up and not out. Doing the best I can, asking my friends and family for prayers. So, if you happen to be reading this, I am in the valley, but I feel God with me. If you would like to help us, lift us up in prayer.

Are you in the valley too?? You are not alone, let me know how I can be lifting you up in prayer. 

Truths I am holding on to:

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4