Ashamed

Have you ever felt ashamed? I am sure that if we are honest, at one point in time or another, all of us have felt ashamed. 

Ashamed is defined as "feeling shame, guilt or disgrace," which is the definition I am focusing on for the sake of this blog post.

 I have struggled a lot with 2020, and the reactions that people have had to the events that have been thrown at us. It finally took me a while to narrow down the overall feeling of discontent that I was having and then to identify it. It was shame! Now, you might be wondering what I have done to feel ashamed...and honestly it is not so much as to what I have done, but hopefully you will see where I am coming from by the end of this blog.

When the pandemic hit, we were all taken off guard.

 It was something new, different and definitely not pleasant. 

We were suddenly in quarantine, safer at home, and in a perpetual state of waiting. While all in this together. Waiting for an end that we thought would be pretty quick, but obviously the outcome has been much different. While this was not fun, it was okay. We were all healthy (in my house) and we were making the most of a difficult situation. I was trying to stay positive, but I was floored by the amount of negativity on social media feeds. I was stunned by actions that "Christians" took and posts that "Christians" posted. I could not believe that my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ would post such things and do such things. They were things, that as a Christian myself, I could not wrap my head around.

See, I am a Christian and I have always proudly identified myself as one. Did you know that when the term "Christian" first came into being, it was used in a derogatory way? It was at Antioch that the name "Christian" was first associated with the disciples of Jesus Christ (Acts 11:26) and is only used two other times in the Bible (Acts 26:28 & 1 Peter 4:16).  According to the Beacon Bible Commentary, "Christians themselves did not yet use this designation, but wore it as a badge of the highest honor when their enemies applied it to them (p298)." Honestly, I think we are getting back to that, and I can see why, but it breaks my heart.

See, when this pandemic hit, the ones shouting and complaining the loudest, were Christians. They did not agree (loudly) with decisions being made. (I truly did not see such things from my "non-Christian" friends) 

I saw posts of memes about our President, posts about our Governor, posts about closings, lies,  masks,  it all being political, and everything else related to this pandemic. I know you saw them too. 

Then, some churches got together and sued the Governor for closing churches, saying that it was taking away our religious freedoms. Now, whether I agree or disagree with those in authority (President, Governor, Mayor etc), it is my responsibility to show respect and submit to their authority (Hebrews 13:17). The only way that I am not to listen to them (as a Christ-follower) is if they go against God's Word. The leaders were doing the best they could with the information that they had, everyone was learning at the same time. I would not want their job, it is a hard job. I respect their authority and was listening to their recommendations. I did not agree with the Churches suing the Government. The Government did not close down Churches to take away religious freedoms, they closed Churches because they closed pretty much all places that people gather for longer periods of time, for the safety of the people. It had nothing to do with religion. (We can and should worship God ANYWHERE). Once the Church won this lawsuit many churches here in NC quickly reopened, while churches all across the country and around the world remained closed. Christians were rejoicing to have won this lawsuit, yet I was struggling. I didn't agree with the lawsuit in the first place, and I did not agree with the rejoicing, when so many churches could not open their doors, and many are still closed today. (Other states have attempted the same lawsuit and lost). Please hear me, I am not upset that I am back in Church, I love going to church, but I was upset about the method that made that possible. (I was also dealing with snide remarks about me because of how long I was out of Church (from people in the church), along with being fussed at because I was going back to church!!) I was upset about the behavior of the "Christians."

I do not want to go into more specific ways that I saw "Christians" behave, things they said, etc., because I am not trying to call  specific people out. But it took me a while to realize that I was ashamed of being a Christian. I did not want to be identified with the Christians that were calling out the unfairness of all that has happened over the last 10 months. I did not want to be identified in the same group as those who kept posting posts that were meant to be divisive. Christians are called to unity and that is not what I have seen in the last 10 months. It truly breaks my heart. 

I have never been ashamed of being a Christian, but now I am. Because I know that as a true Christian it is my responsibility to be faithful in whatever situation I find myself in, to help move others toward Christ. If I am not doing that, then I am driving them further away from Christ. And that is what I feel these posts have been doing. This is why so many people don't want anything to do with Christians, because they do not think that Christ would act like that. Let me tell you, He wouldn't. Side note:I am not perfect, and I do not always get it right. I can look back on my behavior when I was a new Christian, and my understanding was that Christianity was about the rules. So, I was very legalistic, and I am sure I pushed people away from Christianity and Christ. Now, I know that it is about a relationship with Christ, not about rules, and hopefully my behavior is not still pushing people away from Christ.

Where in the Bible do you see Jesus talking negatively about anybody???? (spoiler alert, we don't)

Did He agree with everything His governing authorities said? Probably not. 

But, was He respectful? Yes. 

Was He hateful? No. 

If we are to be more like Christ, then we are to act like Christ. What would Jesus do? You know what He would do. As Warren Wiersbe says, "The believers in the early church suffered because they were Christians (1Peter 4:16). Dr. David Otis Fuller has asked, 'If you were arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough evident to convict you?' A good question! And the answer is a matter of life or death." (Be Dynamic p165)

I am a Child of the King. I want to be a light in this dark world. I want to be more like Christ. I want the fruits that I produce in my daily live to be reflective of Christ. I do not want to be ashamed of the word "Christian," but you better believe that I will be using different terminology, at least for the foreseeable future.

I will leave you with the words of William Barclay, from The New Daily Study Bible: The Letters of James and Peter, also speaking about 1 Peter 4:16, he says that Christians should not enter into the undertakings which do not befit the Christian life. That means Christians must not take an interest in things that are alien to the life that Christians should lead. He states, "It is Peter's instruction that if Christians have to suffer for Christ, they must do so in such a way that their suffering brings glory to God and to the name they bear. Their lives and conduct must be the best argument that they do not deserve the suffering which has come upon them, and their attitude to it must commend the name they bear." (p300-301).

If we bear the name of Christ or Christian we are to bring glory to that name. Are you?