Merry Christmas Update

This has been a year of growth for us in so many ways! Elijah celebrated his 10th birthday and Kayla turned 13!! We are thankful for so many things as we approach Christmas and the close of another year. We are thankful that 2015 has been a year of good health for all of us and no broken bones!!! We are thankful that we spent last Christmas and part of the summer in the states visiting friends and family. We are thankful for the opportunities that we have had to travel near and far. We are most thankful that we have found opportunities to help those in need around us. I am thankful to the beginning and end of a good semester of classes FOR ME! :) We are thankful that we will be moving back to the states at the end of next month! We are thankful for the hard times because they have grown us in our faith and we are always thankful for the good times because we love to laugh and be happy! (Who doesn't?!) If you are reading this we are thankful for you, because without friends and family like you we would not have survived the hard times, and we would have had less good times! We are thankful for the homeschooling friends we have here and the great field trips we have taken. We are thankful for our Church and new Pastor. I am thankful that Kayla and Elijah are closer than they have ever been. I was even asked recently if they even fight. Of course they do, they are kids, but they play so well together. They have truly become friends who value each other's opinion. We are thankful for heat on cold days and blankets on cold nights. We are thankful for the roof over our head and the food on our plates. We are thankful for all our many blessings and do not take them lightly. As for our updates: The movers come tomorrow to do our pre-move survey, essentially to make sure we do not have to much weight and to set the dates for our pack out. We need to know what is going in our suitcases, what will go in our airshipment and what will go in our sea crate.  The movers will come sometime around the 13th of January, pack us out and then we move into a hotel for our last 2+ weeks. At this time we do not know where we will be going. Matt has applied for a job and we are praying hard he gets it. However, if he does not we will go back to Charlotte into the job he hated so much that he went to Iraq. Regardless of where we go, we leave here January 30th. Matt is planning to take 3 weeks off as we try to get settled back into the states. The kids start back to school January 4th and my classes start January 18th. We are looking forward to 2016 and what the Lord has in store for us. As you go to bed tonight, count your blessings too. No matter how hard your year has been I imagine you can find something to be thankful for. One of the many things I am ALWAYS thankful for here are the amazing sunsets, which I am including for your viewing pleasure. Also, some blooper pictures of us by the Christmas tree :) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, friends!

 

The story behind the rainbow

     I was recently reading Between Sundays by Karen Kingsbury where one of the main characters, Megan, volunteers at a youth center three times a week. The Lord reminded me of my passion for children and my desire to make a difference in their lives. I thought about that dream and how I had let it die. I found it interesting that He would use one of my favorite authors to remind me of this, but couldn’t image that it would change much.

                A few days later I felt the Lord calling me back to school, to get my Master’s Degree in Religious Education. I pushed back. It was only a dream to help children, how could I know this was real and not stemming from my own desire to change things? A few days passed and I had reached a crossroads. I could do what I felt the Lord calling me to do, or I could bury the dream. I felt like I was wrestling with God. That night I was praying and I told the Lord if He wanted me to go to school, then He needed to make it clear. I told Him I needed a big, bold neon sign. The very next morning as I was getting ready for my day Matt said “Look at that rainbow!” It was not raining so I was really surprised to hear him telling me to look at the rainbow. It was big, it was bold, not quite neon, but make no mistake I knew the Lord had given me my sign. It was very clear and you could see all the colors! The Lord gave me my sign; I acknowledged it and told Him okay, I would do His will. 

      That day I started researching schools and within a week I had applied and been accepted into Liberty University, doing their online program. I registered for classes, got the books and started reading. My classes started today (October 26, 2015). I am very excited and very scared about this newest adventure. But I know who holds my future and am secure in the knowledge that I am doing what I was called to do, so God will get me through it.

 This picture is for my MIL, who wanted me to do a back to school picture, lol. It's not from today, it's from yesterday, but I look the same. Maybe a little less put together today, haha!

Break Every Chain

I have said it before and I am saying it again. This post has been HARD on us, on so many different levels and for so many reasons. We have started to count down the days until we leave. We are bound up and feel like we are chained to this place. On really bad days I feel like I am in hell, with no way out. I know that sounds harsh, but it is true. I know a lot of people who love being here, but it's all about perspective and your different experiences. I am not saying it is an awful place, just that is has been hard on us. I love visual reminders, so I have made a chain, counting down the days until we go. Today, we have 99 days until we leave. Each day we are going to BREAK EVERY CHAIN that is binding us here, getting a little freer every day! I am so excited about this. I love seeing the chain get smaller and knowing that each day gets us closer to our goal. Do you have chains that you feel are breaking your spirit and binding you to things that you don't want to be bound to? Lies, infidelity, pornography, a bad relationship, bitterness, envy, eating disorder, anything? It is not too late for you to break the chains that are bringing you down!!!!!!!
Please note that not all things that bind you are bad:
Matthew 16:29 says "I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”
and Matthew18:18 “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
Proverbs 3:3 "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
Isaiah 58:6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?"
I want to bound up in love and faithfulness. I want to be free from every chain that binds me up. I want to break every chain or yoke!
There is a song called Break Every Chain:
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
To break every chain, break every chain,
Break every chain
It repeats over and over again.

What chains do you need to break??? What small change can you make today, right now, that will help you see hope in a situation that seems hopeless?
To hear this song, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkR33OsvJSs

Counting Down

Today, I officially started our count down, we have 103 days until we leave Greece. Our departure date has been tentatively set for January 23rd. However, this could change slightly, depending on if Matt's replacement gets delayed or his boss has a problem with when he is planning to leave.

So, now that we know when we are leaving, your next question is most likely, where are you going? My answer to this is: we don't know. They have not started posting jobs yet, but when they do and we know where we are going we will let you all know. Please don't ask us if we know yet, because that only adds to our stress. It's one of the questions I hate most, because it is the one we get asked the most.

The fact that we don't know where we are going yet is causing us some stress as we like to make our plans, but the purpose of starting the count down is to begin getting prepared. There is a lot to do before the movers come and still stuff that needs to be cleaned out. The kids both have "junk" drawers, where they throw a bunch of paper and stuff that they don't need, but refuse to part with. They have toys that they move with us each time we move, that they never play with! I told them that when we move back they are both old enough to organize their own rooms, and they should start cleaning stuff out, unless they want to be overwhelmed with junk as soon as we move into our next house. They both spent some time organizing this morning and Elijah plans to do more tomorrow :) I hate putting things off to the last minute and I know that while 103 days sounds like a lot, we will be busy with school and stuff, so thinking about it now will ease some anxiety later.

If you happen to think about us, pray that jobs start opening up and pray for God's wisdom that we pick the one that will be best for our family. We are really hoping this will be our final move and that Matt will be very happy in the job he lands, so we can stay in one place. They kids need the stability and I imagine it would be good for all of us. Thanks friends :)

God's Power

I believe in God and I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that God provides wisdom with decisions when we bother to ask Him for it. Don't believe me? Let me give you an example. In the Spring of 2014 Matt presented me with several places of where we would live next. We looked at the list and we prayed about it and sought God's wisdom. Sometimes it just doesn't seem to matter which one you chose. We picked Greece and we have been pretty unhappy overall here. However, I have seen evidences of God's grace and good come out of us being here.

So, another place that was on our list? Ankara, Turkey. Do you see my point yet? If not, google Ankara, Turkey and look at all that has gone on over there in the past year or so, and most recently this weekend. I could not be more thankful for God's wisdom and provisions of safety for my family. I am thankful that we did not chose Ankara as our next location.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it is hard for a really long time. However, if you look hard enough you can find good in each and every day. It may be the smallest thing, but it is there. Today, if it feels like you have nothing to be thankful for, look around, find something. If you can find nothing I will say you are not looking hard enough. If nothing else, thank God that you are not living in an area where a peace rally turns into 80+ people dead.

Friday Fun

I am pretty excited about our curriculum this year! It is a four day a week curriculum, allowing Friday to be a FUN day. A day for crafts, projects, field trips, games or anything else schoolish that we want to spend our time on! I have wanted this for years and I am so thankful it has finally worked out this year.
Yesterday was our first fun Friday of the school year. We started out the day with Kayla finishing a Science Experiment that we hadn't had everything for on Thursday (we had to improvise, thanks third world country). After that we opened our Tinkercrate box and built rockets (Science & Art). After building our rockets we went out and launched them...it was so much fun!
Once we got back to our apartment we had lunch and then played Ticket to Ride (History and Geography), Kayla won by a landslide. After lunch we headed over to the Embassy pool where we were supposed to meet a family we had met last week and a new family that just arrived this week. The family we met last week ended up being a no-show, so Kayla and Elijah had fun by themselves for a while. Later the new family arrived and not long after that so did several other families. We had a great time at the pool connecting with the new family and meeting some other people we had not met before. It was a great, relaxing afternoon.
Our first fun Friday was an enormous success!!! 

 I hope the videos work, you MUST watch :)

The Battle

My current battle is a very dark depression. I know I am not alone in this. I posted to several groups on Facebook requesting ideas for books, bible verses, songs etc that people read/listen to when they are feeling down. This post is going to be on the information I have gathered and a few things not to say, as well as what you could say to someone going through depression. My prayer as I write this, is that this post will not only help me, but help others too.

The American Heritage Student Dictionary defines depression as: 

1a. The condition of feeling sad and despondent.

1b, A psychiatric disorder characterized by extreme and persistent sadness, and often feelings of guilt or helplessness, difficulty concentrating and sleeping, loss of appetite, and the inability to experience pleasure; clinical depression.

I am going to be honest with you. Friday I woke up and I was miserable. Very snippy, short, exhausted. I had a hard time getting out of bed and even once I was up I felt very heavy, like there was this huge fog in my head, making it difficult to concentrate, I felt miserable like I was getting sick. So I said to my husband, "I just don't know what is wrong with me!" He looked at me and practically spit, "You are depressed!" I recoiled like I had been hit. "I am NOT! I think I would know if I was depressed, I am fine, just tired."

You have to understand, my husband does not spit at me, raise his voice, get aggravated with me, so this was totally out of character for him. I didn't know what HIS problem was! (He was worried about me)

He went on to work and I sat there stewing in my juices. The more I thought about it the more agitated I became. He was actually right, I was depressed. (def 1b to be exact) (On a side note, we ALL NEED someone who is willing to speak truth to us, no matter what the consequences!) How did I not see this coming? How did I not recognize it? Still being honest, it was darker, more sinister than I have ever felt before. I didn't like the way it made me feel. (and, for those who are worried, I was not/am not suicidal, nor do I have feelings of hurting myself, my husband or my children)

After thinking about my husband's reaction and my emotions and the way I was acting and had been acting for days (again, how did I miss it?), I decided I HAD to be put on medicine. I couldn't function like this. I called and made an appointment with my doctor for that morning, before I changed my mind. *This is not easy to write or admit*
After talking to the doctor for a while "You came here for medicine?" "Yep, pretty much, give me happy pills, I don't want to feel like this (or feel at all for that matter)!" Not going to go into to many details, he refused at that time to put me on medicine, I cried through talking to him (I'm not a person who cries in front of other people), I felt desperate. I was mad too. This doctor knows me, I NEVER ask for medicine. I hate medicine (it is necessary and I have to take it for BP and stuff, so I'm NOT knocking medicine), I just don't ask for it and I'm not on it it unless it is absolutely necessary! He was however willing to prescribe something if I talked to the Psychiatrist. I refused. Stalemate. I am not going to go and talk to someone about my feelings.(my exact words to him) Give me a break. He thought I was being unreasonable (I probably was/am), that it would be beneficial to get to the root of the problem (I can tell you the root of the problem, anybody know what I am talking about?!), and it wouldn't just be sitting around talking about feelings. I came away hurt, feeling stupid for reaching out and feeling like a seeker. He called me later that afternoon and told me he had talked to the Psychiatrist and they were willing to put me on something to get me through the next 6 months (until we move back to the states). I was like, to little, to late, I don't want your medicine thanks anyway. (Have I mentioned I am stubborn?!) He sent me the BECK test and asked me to fill it out and get it right back to him. Yep, I got right on that (I'm sarcastic too). I couldn't think or function, couldn't decide what to do, so I went and sat and watched 4 hours of Gilmore Girls. I completely tuned everything else out, I didn't have to think or feel that way. On Monday I filled out the Beck test and sent it back to the doctor. He called that afternoon "You know, with numbers that HIGH we really like to see you on something, we think it could be beneficial. We are not going to make you, but we will wait to hear from you." "Great, Doc, I'll think on it and get back to you." Today's Wednesday, I am still thinking on it. It's not like I am trying to be stubborn, I truly don't want to be medicated, I don't know how I will react or how it will interact with the other medications I am on. There comes a time when you are so depressed you have to be medicated, and that may be where some of you are now, and that is okay. I am just not sure if I need to be or not.

Anyway, I am reading FerVent by Priscilla Shirer and she said "Passion is the fuel in the engine of your purpose. It's your 'want to.' It's what keeps you going when mundane tasks bore you or difficult ones dissuade you. Passion is what keeps you moving in the direction your best intentions want you to go. Have you lost your passion? Has your get-up-and-go simply gotten-up-and-gone?"
I was like "This is IT, I have lost my Passion!" I simply can't seem to care about most things, and I am MAKING myself do the things I know need to get done. She was not talking about depression here, but to me she could have been. Because that is what depression feels like. Your get-up-and-go has simply went.

Ann Voskamp said in her post "What Every Hard Week Ahead Needs": "No one knows but you do war every single day with the slanderous voices in your head and you wrestle a bit with the death dark that encroaches around the edges of everything and you’re never the only one: anyone who gets up has to push back the dark."

How did she know what I was feeling? Ladies, you are not alone. I am not along. I think at some point in time this is something that every one of us struggles with, to one degree or another. So, what are we going to do about it?

First, I am going to share some things of what NOT to say to someone you know who is going through a depression (and these were ALL said to me in the past few days):

Does your husband make you depressed? (Um, no, he doesn't!)
I love this place, I don't understand how you can be depressed! (Every place is different for every person, and thanks that makes me feel soooo much better!)
You need to not take life so seriously! (How exactly is this helpful?)
Do you drink? (Is this going to make it better or worse? And, no I don't, would it help if I did?)
Seeing a Psychiatrist is a waste of time and money, just find a girlfriend to talk to. (Sometimes we need professional help)
I just don't know what to do for you. (again, not helpful, I don't want you to do something for me)
I know exactly what you are going through. (I am sure I have said this to someone and if I have I am so SORRY, I didn't know! Depression is different for everyone. I have learned this over the past few days. I mentioned at the beginning of this post that it is the darkest I have ever felt. I can only imagine that it can and does get so much worse. There are degrees to depression, where you truly are just feeling blue, or the extreme where you are ready to kill yourself or someone else, if you are there, please seek help. I promise you all, if I ever reach that point ^and I am praying I don't^ I will seek professional help).

Second, I want to thank everyone who responded to my post on Facebook. I am going to list the suggestions that were given to me, in the hopes that they will help someone out there.

• exercise (run, walk, jog, workout video)
• make a gratitude journal
• Make a playlist of music you personally connect with
• Eat chocolate
• take a bath
• Hang out with a friend
• call a friend
• read
• Read Karen Kingsbury's books
• Do She Reads Truth Studies
• Listen to classic country music
• listen to sermons by Ligonier and Phil Robertson
• Burn candles (I am doing this right now!!!)
• pot roast in the crock-pot (or anything in the crock-pot because then you have accomplished something!! My dinner is already in the crock-pot for tonight, I have accomplished one thing :))
• Bible Journaling (this is one thing I do)
• have a list of projects or things to do laying around for "someday" when you are depressed and can't think of anything to do because you can't see around the darkness, pull this list out and accomplish something.

Bible verses or Books of the Bible to read (if you are not interested in this skip this and keep going):

• Jeremiah 29:11*
• Psalm 34:4
• Bible app
• Ecclesiastes
• Hosea
• Habakkuk
• Isaiah 41:10*
• Isaiah 41:13*
• Hebrews 10:35-36*
• 2 Thessalonians 3:3*
• Philippians 4:13*
• Isaiah 43:1-4
• Colossians 1:17
• Psalms 23
• Philippians 4:8

*Some of my personal favorites, or go-to verses.

I had an overwhelming list of Music given to me, so I will do my best to list at least all the artists:

• Rend Collective-The Art of Celebration
• "I'll Keep On" by NF
• 10th Avenue North
• Lauren Daigle's album**
• Danny Gokey's Album "Hope in Front of Me"
• "Unchanged" & "Unstoppable" by Rascal Flatts
• "Go Get It" by Mary Mary
• "Behold Our God" by Together for the Gospel
• Michael W. Smith's Worship Album
• Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir
• Chris Tomlin
• "Sons and Daughters"
• Bethel Worship
• "Bound for Glory" by Vertical Church Band
• Fireproof Album
• "I will Praise You in this Storm"
• Hillsong Oceans
• Hymn "Praise the Lord Almighty"
• Jill Phillips
• Mercy River
• Selah
• Sanctus Real
• Sara Groves
• Christy Nockels
• RSB
• Steven Curtis Chapman
• Andrew Peterson
• Audrey Assad
• Alisa Turner
• Tom Keene
• Mandisa
• Robbie Seay Band
• Janna Long
• Nicole Nordeman
• Bethany Dillon
• Sarah Reeves
• David Crowder Band
• Matthew West

**This Album was recommended multiple times and it is also one that I love. Especially the songs "O'Lord" and "Trust in You."

A few other things I would add, know your triggers, what sets you off. This is SO hard. I don't know all my triggers and I imagine you don't know all of yours. I do know that when I don't get a good night's sleep I am more likely to be down. I also know when I spend a lot of time on social media, or playing video games, it brings me down. Also, if I don't have anything productive to do (rarely happens, but still.) See if you can start identifying your triggers. Another thing I would add, if you can, avoid drama. We all have our own drama, we don't need to be wrapped up in another persons (real, TV or books even!). 

I was listening to music as I was getting ready this morning, half paying attention when this song came on:

"To the voice to the liar in the mirror saying you can't ever change, to the guilt that sittin on your shoulder always keeping you locked in chains. To the past that you can't undo, to the pain that your walkin through, to the small and big mistakes, this is what love wants to say, say goodbye." This is Mandisa's song "Say Goodbye."

Another line says "Don't have to let your story stop here." That one line is really what got my attention. My story doesn't have to end here, and neither does yours. This is a beginning, I mean, after all, isn't admitting you have a problem the first step? 

One of my defense mechanisms (and I don't know why because it's not a good one) is to start isolating myself. A few days before I realize I am depressed (I always first assume it is PMS) I start shutting down. I stop texting friends and family, stop putting posts up, stop going places. This is not good for me and if you do it, it's not good for you either. Please reach out and let someone know what you are going through (you don't have to write a blog post and let the whole world know!).

I have a quote on my bathroom mirror, a daily reminder that says "God and His plan for you do not change in the crossroads." It's from Suzanne Eller's book The Mended Heart: God's Healing For Your Broken Places. Sometimes, when you are in the middle of a depression, it can feel like a crossroads. Do you continue to lie in bed? Or do you get up? Do you take a shower and get dressed? Or do you go lay on the couch? 

Please, let me encourage you, no matter how deep, or how dark the depression may be, to celebrate the small moments. That may be silly, but if you are depressed and you got out of bed today and took a shower and got dressed, congratulations, you have accomplished something!  I know it wasn't easy, but you did it! 

If you think you know someone who is depressed, try to encourage her (or him). Ask if they want to talk about it. If so, please be willing to listen. If it's a pretty good friend, give them a hug, however, it comes with a warning: be prepared for them to cry all over your shoulder. If you are not prepared for that, don't hug them, because they are fragile and they are barely holding it together. Ask them what you can do for them? They may tell you nothing, after all, we are fine. However, please pray for them, no matter what they say. If you are still reading this, pray for me too. If you need prayer, let me know and I will pray for you too. This thing called life is HARD, and it throws some tough things at us. Let's encourage one another daily...it's what we are called to do.

I would like to say thank you to all of the wonderful ladies who contributed to this blog post by leaving comments on my Facebook posts. You have blessed me with your suggestions and my prayer is that they will bless others. I will not put last names to protect their (your) privacy.

 Mary, Tammy, Amber, Jan, Lillian, Jessica, Susanna, Andrea, Ce, Jill, Deanna, Jenn, Jennifer, Keisha, Linda, Connie, Pat, Karla, Megan, Jasmine, Sandra, Lucia, Jennifer, Meredith, Sybilla, Monica, Julie and Holli.