In the Trenches

I have a lot of random thoughts floating in my head, so I am going to try to pen some of them here. I feel like I am deep in the trenches of life, with a lot of countdowns going on. The kids have 49 days left of school, only 49 days until they have the freedom of summer! While we are trying to be diligent and focused, we have had a lot of interruptions. Next Thursday we are going to Nashville so the kids can compete across the region at Trevecca. Kayla will be competing in Piano and Guitar, Elijah will be competing in Ping-Pong and Bible Quizzing. While we are looking forward to this, we are also looking forward to it being over as well, it will be a lot of work on very little sleep, and once we are back, Matt is gone for a week for work. I have 37 "school" days until MY classes start back up. So I only have 37 days of freedom left (days with some free time in them). I am planning to take 5 classes this summer (yes, I know that is crazy!), but I want to be able to do more while I have to do less with the kids school. I am not sure how it is all going to work, I am just trusting that it is going to work. There will be a little bit of role reversal while the kids try their hand at making dinner, while I study, haha! Since I know that I will have very little free time over the summer, I am trying to plan the kids school for next year, now. Also crazy. I was all set to put them in Bob Jones Homeschool Online because it would make my life super easy. Less planning, less grading, and it would free me up to try and get my Master's done by the end of the year. However, I was speaking to a friend this weekend and she said she had never done Bob Jones because she doesn't "school at home," she homeschools. That was a reminder to me of WHY I homeschool as well. She was not judging, she was merely stating her reasons why she doesn't use that curriculum for her kids. So, I have been in a frenzy the past few days trying to figure out what exactly I am going to do with them for next year so I can jumpstart my planning and make the summer easier. Kayla said yesterday she wants to continue with Bob Jones Spanish, she will do Spanish 2 next year, she wants to continue with Teaching Textbooks for Math, she wants to continue her sewing and music, and she would like to do Astronomy for her Science. Anyone know a high school level Astronomy class? We are still deciding on the other subjects for her. Elijah is a little harder because he really doesn't want to do any "school." He would rather read and play, but who can blame him? Elijah was looking at Bob Jones curriculum with me yesterday and he thought the Earth and Space Science looked interesting, so he may do that next year. This kid HATES science, so if he picks that, that is what we will go with. I am trying to let them have a say in their education, because, hello it is about them, not me. One other thing I am sure I am going to add back in to their curriculum is Bible Study. I want them to have a strong faith, and KNOW how to study their Bible, not just read it. I dropped actual Bible study when they started doing Bible Quizzing, but I think it's important for them to learn more than one book of the Bible, so they will do both next year. Time is flying by and Kayla will be in 11th grade, it is so important the choices we make. I am trying to prepare her to be an adult and I want her to have all the skills she needs to be ready to go to college, if that is what she chooses, or simply know how to make a living for herself. One huge skill we are working on it diligence and time management. I have a while longer with Elijah, but I know it will be gone before I know it and I want them to be ready, whether I will be or not 😉

Anyway, I am trying to live by the principle, "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17

I am truly thankful for the opportunity to homeschool my kids, I know it isn't for everyone, but we enjoy it. It is a lot of hard work, takes time, but in the end I know it is worth it. We will never get the time back and I am so incredibly thankful for the time I get with them. I am thankful for a husband who fully supports and encourages our homeschool venture. I am also thankful that he fully supports me getting my Master's degree. I am thankful for the "free" time that I have had/and continue to have this semester, and the opportunity it has given me to get things done/caught up, and to make memories with my lovely family. I am doing my best to use my time wisely and trying not to waste it. We only have so much time, we absolutely need to be making the most of it. How are you making the most of your time? Are you in a season with some free time, or the season where you wish you had more time? Regardless, life is short, we must live it well...as the song says! (Live it well by Switchfoot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov_lnXy7tkQ )

Restart

I love to sleep in on Saturday's. Because of all of our commitments it is rare to have a free Saturday and an opportunity to sleep in. Oddly enough, I have noticed a disturbing trend over the last few months when I do sleep in...I get up irritable! I do not know why that is, but this morning I laid in bed until 7:15 and when I got downstairs Matt asked me a question, and by the third time I had to repeat my answer, I was very irritable and using an agitated tone. Obviously that is not how I want my day to go, or how I want to feel. While I don't know what causes the irritability, I am thankful that I had an opportunity for a "restart." I fixed my cup of coffee and sat down with my Bible and current devotional materials. I sat at the table and read, soaked in God's Word, while drinking that yummy cup of coffee, and then I prayed. When I got up from the table I felt refreshed and renewed! God is so good to me! What is your restart button? What do you do when you start out on the wrong foot? What happens when your day starts spiraling out of control in the middle of the afternoon? For me, I go and lay on my bed, in the dark, and start praying. I usually lay there for 20-30 minutes and it is enough to restart my day again, and I am able to get through the rest of the day. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Your City

"Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." Jeremiah 29:7 NIV

It's funny how you can read something several times and not really notice what it says. I recently read through the book of Jeremiah and this verse did not pop out at me. However, this morning I read the verse in a short devotional and I wondered if that was really what the verse actually said, or if someone had paraphrased it in their own words. I flipped my Bible over to that verse and that is actually what it says (feel free to look for yourself 😊). So often we think that the Bible does not apply to us, or that it is no longer relative to the times that we live in. Especially the stuff in the Old Testament. We live in times of extreme chaos and uncertainty, just as they did in Bible times, and I long for peace. 

There are several things that this verse gives us that are relative for today.

First, we are to seek peace (and prosperity) in the city to which we live. To seek means "to go in search of, to look for, to try to discover." It is an action verb, it is not passive, we are to actively go and search for peace. The New Living Translation says "And work for the peace..." I like looking at different versions of the same verse because it typically helps us to understand the meaning a little bit better. How do we actively seek or search for peace? Just like the New Living Translation says, we work for it. The Bible tells us, "If it is possible, as long as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 NIV "Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels." 2 Timothy 2:23

How do I promote peace in my community? I do not cause stupid arguments or quarrels. I try to mind my own business and not put my nose where it does not belong. I try to be kind to everyone I encounter so as to not give someone a reason to get upset with me. I try not to gossip (although at times I fail). I do not lie or spread ugly untruths. I try to teach my kids to be respectful of others, it does not matter skin color, we are all the same and Jesus expects us to treat everyone with kindness and compassion. I am not perfect, but I am saved by grace and make it my aim to live my life in a manner that is pleasing to Christ (at times I fail, but I repent and turn back to God when I do).

Second, we are to pray to the Lord for it. Again, prayer is not passive, it is also action, we are to DO something. To pray means to "to ask for; to beseech; implore; to make a request; to address God with adoration, confession, supplication,or thanksgiving."  A lot of people think that saying you will pray about something doesn't mean anything, they want you to DO something. Praying is doing something, it is asking the Creator of this world for something, imploring Him for something, either on your behalf or the behalf of another. God hears our prayers and He answers them. Sometimes it is "wait." Sometimes it is "no." And, other times He will say "yes." But, He  may also give us something to do to go along with that yes. He may give you an answer to the problem and then you go and do what He has asked you to do, if that makes sense.

 I live in Monroe, this is the city that God has called my family to. I need to actively be praying for my city. I also need to be praying for our schools, especially the ones in my city. I pretty much live in a bubble, but even in my bubble I hear about all the school shootings and they crush my spirit. Our kids have enough to deal with in schools today without having to worry about a shooter coming into their schools. Yet, each time I meet with our youth group school shootings always come up. I pray for our kids and pray that God will put a hedge of protection around them and their classmates. I also pray that those in authority do things and make decisions that will make it harder for shooters to get on campus.

 

Why are we to do these things, "because if it prospers, you too will prosper." We should want great things, not just for ourselves, but our cities and those around us as well. God has placed each of us in a community and we are to help that community prosper. I remember when we lived in Singapore, we were visiting churches and in one church we heard the song, "God of this City." I had never heard it before, but it really resonated with me, that God was in that city far away from what we called "home." It doesn't matter where we are in this world, what country or city we live in, God is the God of that city, and there is still work to be done, right where you are at (bloom where you are planted)! How are you attempting to live at peace in your city? Is God growing you where you are at? Do you believe that greater things are still to be done in your city? If not, maybe you need a change of perspective. Figure out what God might be saying to you about the verse above. Take some time to listen to the song below...if nothing else, pray for your city. Pray for the people that you are in community with. Pray that if you are not working at finding peace, that you would find peace.

This verse reminds me of the song "Your the God of this City"

(listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEFGr1S8SkA)

 

Lyrics

You're the god of this city
You're the king of these people
You're the lord of this nation
You are

You're the light in this darkness
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our god
There is no one like our god

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

You're the god of this city
You're the king of these people
You're the lord of this nation
You are

You're the light in this darkness
You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our god
There is no one like our god

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our god
There is no one like you, god

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done

We believe, we believe in you, god

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here
Greater things, still to be done here
Ooh

Songwriters: Aaron Boyd / Andrew Mccann / Ian Jordan / Peter Comfort / Peter Kernaghan / Richard Bleakley

God of This City lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

Unsettled

I don't know about you, but I have missed this blog. It has been a great outlet over the years where I can share what is on my mind and things that are going on in our lives. I hate that I let it lapse, but I am still struggling to figure out when I can write and at times just completely overwhelmed with life. So, here are a few updates with us.
I am still in classes at Liberty University Online, but am currently on a break. The plan right now is to start back up in May. I have 8 classes left and then I am done with my Master's. I am anxious to get it done, but when I am in classes I struggle to balance everything. My goal is to either be done by the end of this year, or by May of 2019. People continue to ask me what I am going to do when I finish my Master's. The answer is "I don't know." God has not revealed that part of the plan to me yet. Right now I am still doing the other things that God has called me to do...Matt and I lead our youth at Church and have for over a year (one of the things God called us to do). We love the time we get to spend with them and hope that we are continually pointing them to Christ. I am still homeschooling the kids (something God called us to do years ago), keeping up with the house and trying to pursue a few dreams. In January and February I took some sewing classes as I have always wanted to learn. It was so much fun to be able to do something that I have wanted to learn for over 20 years. We have come to the conclusion that this is not the house we want to grow old in and are planning to move again in the next year...which also has us all a bit unsettled, with that hanging over us. If I am completely honest one reason I have not revived the blog before now is that my confidence has taken quite a hit over the last year or so. Things people have said about me, about things I am posting on Facebook etc., along with personal things have really worn me down. It has made me doubt what I am supposed to be doing and I haven't felt free to just write anything without fear of criticism. I also play the comparison game...everyone has a blog and they all write better than me...but my intent with this blog has always been for it to be an outlet for me, and to keep others updated with what is going on in our world...it shouldn't matter if everyone else writes better than me...it is not a comparison game.
Matt recently got a new position (January, I think) at work, which is a huge blessing as it came with a pay raise. He is enjoying his new position, but it has been overwhelming as he was still doing his old position and several other things. In addition he has had to travel (he is gone now) while still learning all the ropes of his new position. He found out two different things this week that he hasn't been doing or doing completely. He is also helping with the teens at Church and helps me out quite a bit around the house. In his little bit of free time, when he is not hanging with us, he writes. He recently self published a book on Amazon.I am so proud of him for all the hard work he does. He loves to write and has very little time to do it, but he is already editing the second book in the series. He has more ideas then he has time to pursue, but God has surely gifted him in that way! Matt continues to be my best friend and #1 supporter, I am thankful for the ways that God has grown us over the years.
Kayla is 15, not sure when she got this old, LOL. She loves reading, music and sewing. She is still taking piano lessons, and has added voice and guitar lessons. She loves the guitar more than the piano and is actually more comfortable playing it. She is nervous about singing in front of others, but her voice teacher is making her do a solo in May at their end of the year performance. Although he did tell her if she wasn't comfortable with it, he would sing with her, so possibly a duet. She still takes sewing classes and absolutely loves them. She is thinking of being a part-time/full-time seamstress and we are trying to learn more about this and how she can pursue it. She still loves little kids and loves opportunities to play and hang out with them. We have signed her up for driver's ed, which she will be taking in April. In NC you have to go through the class before you can get your permit, it is a law here. She is really excited about that as well. She is still getting taller, she is currently somewhere between 5'6 and 5'7...She has been taller than me for what feels like forever. She doesn't really care for much in school, she does it because she has to, not because she wants to. She has always been difficult to challenge (she is in 10th grade), but I would love to be able to incorporate more of what she wants to do as opposed to what she has to do. Kayla is still a very caring, compassionate young lady and is still trying to figure out who she is going to be. She struggles with her confidence (it took a hit this past year) and does not like being in the spotlight at all.
Elijah is going to be 13 very soon...impossible that my baby is going to be a teenager. He is also growing, but struggles because he is shorter than his friends. He loves reading, playing the drums, playing basketball, playing with his friends and studying Bible Quizzing. He is also taking voice and drum lessons. He thinks he wants to be a video game designer when he gets older. He really dislikes school, especially writing and grammar, however, he does love History. He has a great sense of humor and can make me laugh at just about anything. He is caring and compassionate and hates to see people arguing and fighting, or for someone to simply raise their voice at him. He longs to be settled and all the changes we have dealt with and the stress of knowing we are moving again affects him more than others. Elijah is a deep thinker and is not afraid to ask questions or afraid to attempt to answer them either. If there is something he doesn't understand, but wants to, he will question you until it is all sorted out in his mind.
There are days like today, that I feel unsettled...and uncertain about what I am supposed to be doing...I know it's because I am overtired and didn't get enough sleep last night..or recently, LOL. But, I am thankful that I don't have to know it all, or understand everything. I just need to lean more into the One who holds my future and has a Perfect plan for my life. Thank you, Jesus, for all that you have blessed us with, in the good times and bad, thank you for holding us.

Who is the Judge?

I am not into politics or likely to get into a political debate. This does not mean that I do not care, because I do. I am worried about our country and I am worried about who will be the next President. However, I am doing what I can do: praying for the outcome. Praying that God will give us all wisdom as we consider who to elect as our next President. Everyone has an opinion on who is best and most people have a lot to say about the candidates that are running. All you have to do is turn on the news or scroll through Facebook to see what people have to say. People are lashing out in anger and saying lots of things about the candidates. This reminded me about a passage in John 8 where a woman was caught in adultery. The law in that time was that the woman was to be stoned to death. As the people questioned Jesus He said to them, "Let anyone of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." The people began to slowly go away, Jesus turned to the woman and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" to which the woman replied, "No one, sir." Jesus said to her, "Then neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more."

As we are tempted to judge the people and their actions around us, I want to remind us all, that we are not the judge and jury of others, only God is.

I was reading my devotions this morning and I came across a VERY timely message from the Psalms, which we can apply to the political situation we are currently facing. This next portion of this blog is taken from Warren Wiersbe's commentary entitled Be Exultant.

In Psalm 94 we can see that few problems cause God's people to question His rule more than "Why do the helpless and the godly suffer and the wicked get away with their crimes?" This Psalm (94) teaches us that the righteous have four responsibilities:

1) Praying to the Lord for Justice (vv.1-7) God's requirement for His people is that they "do justly...love mercy, and...walk humbly with their God" (Micah 6:8), for the lord loves justice and hears the prayers of those who have been treated unjustly. Since the Lord is omniscient, He is able to judge motives as well as actions that deal with situations and people justly (Lev. 19:18; Deut. 32:34, 41; Rom. 12:17-21; Heb. 10:30-31). We want the Lord to act immediately, but He is gracious and longsuffering (Ex.34:6-7), and we must walk by faith (Luke 18:1-8). The wicked convince themselves that God does not see their evil deeds (v.7), but He does!

2) Warning the Wicked of Their Danger (vv. 8-11) After praying to the Lord, we must confront the wicked with the truth, as the Lord gives us opportunity. If God is able to rule the nations by His providential decrees (Acts 17:24-28), is He unable to deal with a band of wicked officials who are breaking His law and exploiting His people? The subversive plans and plots of these evil leaders cannot be hidden from the Lord, nor will they go unpunished. Paul quoted this verse in 1 Corinthians 3:20 to warn church leaders in Corinth not to try to guide the church using the world's wisdom, but to rely only on the wisdom of God found in Scripture-the gold, silver, and precious stones (Proverbs 2:1-4; 3:13-15; 8:10-11, 18-19).

3) Accepting God's Discipline (vv. 12-15) The psalmist recognized the fact that the difficulties of life could help him mature in his faith. If God immediately rescued His people from their personal difficulties, they would become "spoiled brats" and never grow in faith or character. There is coming a time of judgment, but the Lord will spare His people from it. The psalmist believed in the justice of God, the future judgment of the wicked, and the promise of a righteous kingdom for the upright in heart.

4) Working with God for Justice (vv. 16-23) The psalmist  was experiencing the devious plots of the evil leaders and cried out to God for help. He knew the judges were twisting the law to exploit the poor (v.20), and he was slipping into a deep and dangerous situation.

In evil days, we give thanks that we have the Lord as our refuge and fortress. But we hid in Him, not that we may escape responsibility, but that we might be equipped to go forth and fight the enemy. 

In the end it is the Lord who knows the hearts of people and who will judge justly.-Warren Wiersbe

As I was typing this I also thought of a quote from Ann Voskamp, that states: 

"The hard things will be for good, the good things will be forever, the best things are forthcoming."

Remember who the Judge is, accept that He knows best and let him who is without sin cast the first stone to those you are wanting to judge. I make mistakes, I mess up and I would not want the whole world talking trash about me, think before you speak (or type). 

Unbelief

As I was doing my devotions this morning several things I was reading really resonated with me. It's an area where I struggle...get it under control...then struggle again. 

I am sure you can relate. 

The first thought that really captured my attention was from Warren Wiersbe, "While it's normal for us to hope for a quick way of escape and important for us to understand our feelings and circumstances, it's far more important to look to God and ask for His help."(emphasis mine)

I have to admit that this stepped on my toes a bit. I chewed on that thought for a few minutes as I have things I want God to fix right away (hello, genie in the bottle?), but at times I forget to look to God and actually ask for His help...I'd rather complain about the problem than go to the one Who could fix it...anybody else struggle with that?!

Anyway, I moved on and kept going when a few minutes later the second thought hit hard, "Unbelief almost always underestimates God and magnifies our personal weakness and problems. Unbelief sees only giants, problems, impossibility and obstacles. Unbelief leaves God out of the equation and never acts or stands firm on the truth of God's Word."-Krista Williams

Ouch...that one stepped harder on my toes and putting these two thoughts together I really felt like there was a huge finger pointing right at me. 

Are their areas of your life that you are only seeing giants and impossibilities? Do the obstacles seem bigger than you are? I hear you. I find myself saying a lot recently, concerning one thing in particular that "I just don't understand how it's going to happen."

Can I just tell you that I am doubting in that area and FORGETTING to stand firm on the truth of God's word! Philippians 4:13 tells me that "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." IF God wants this situation to happen then He will make it happen. If it doesn't happen then that means that God does not want that particular thing for me in this season of my life. It does not mean that He doesn't care or He did not answer my prayer. 

It means that His will is greater than my wants!

I want to be like like the father in Mark whose son was possessed by an impure spirit who said "I do believe; Lord, help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

There is a song by FFH  called "Daniel" that started going through my head this morning and it says:

I want to be like Daniel in the Lion's den

Waiting for God's love to save him

I wanna be, I wanna be,

I want to be like Moses when he raised his hands

And all the winds and seas obeyed him

I wanna be, I wanna be

When  I need to drink from that living cup

When I need to fight but I give up

When I need to feel God more and more

I'm reminded of the ones who were here before

I don't know about you, but I want to be like Daniel who was facing impossible odds, but trusted God anyway. I want to be like Moses who was also facing impossible odds but trusted God despite impossible odds. I believe I am more like Jonah who was stubborn and headstrong, running from God first, before trusting that God's way is in fact the right way, and then obeying and trusting God.

What obstacles are you facing today? What giants are standing in your way? Who do you want to be? One who lets unbelief and giants hurl you into the pit of despair? Or one who acknowledges that those giants and struggles are big and real, but my God is BIGGER?

There are many things we will never understand this side of heaven, but can I encourage you that if you trust in the one true God, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will provide all you need, not all you want. His ways are not our ways.

Weeds

For Mother's Day this year I gave my mother-in-law a coupon for 3 hours of our time to do whatever she needed done around her house. I was thinking cleaning the inside of the house or organizing or something like that. Never did I dream that she would ask me to help with weeding her flower gardens. I was like are you sure? You sure you don't want me to help clean out your closet or SOMETHING?! Anything other than pull the weeds? But, she wanted help with her weeds. So, the kids and I went and spent time helping her weed her flower gardens. When we left her house I was exhausted, but felt I had done a pretty good job.

When I pulled into my driveway I was STUNNED. When did I get weeds in MY flower garden?? How did I not notice?! I swear they must have all grown in while I was at my mother-in-laws house! However, since I know that is impossible, I will say that it must have happened and I was so busy with the other things going on in my life that I never noticed until I took the time out to weed someone else's garden. So of course it's been eating at me to get out there and take care of my weeds.

Sin is like that too. It roots in and festers before we ever notice that it's there...and if we are not careful it will start choking out the life in us. It starts out as one little weed or one little sin, but before you know it there are so many weeds you don't know where it started or where you should begin to pull them out.

One thing I noticed as I started pulling my weeds is that one weed  looked pretty innocent...but the longer I examined it and tried to find the root, I realized it had multiple roots...6 in fact. Sin is like this too. It starts out as one little sin...then before you know it, it has taken over different parts of your life. You find it hard to realize where it started and where and when it is going to end. I would encourage you to find the roots and start there. You may not even realize you are in sin...until you start pointing out someone else's...and then you hear that little voice saying what about that little lie you told? Or when you yelled at your kids, or spouse or parents? What about when you sat there gossiping? Or what about what you were just looking at on the computer? Or the way you looked at your co-worker? Or the bitterness you are holding onto because things have not turned out how you thought they should? Or when you...???

Some roots are so deep that you need extra help getting them out. I found that there were some roots that I had to take the spade after, and even then it was difficult to get it out. Some sins are so deep that we need to spend time in prayer, trying to figure out where it came from. We may need to go apologize to someone or confess what we have done.

I want to be like David who said "Create in my a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me (Psalm 51:10)."

1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

What weeds are growing in your garden?

What do you need to take time to clean out today?