Unsettled

I don't know about you, but I have missed this blog. It has been a great outlet over the years where I can share what is on my mind and things that are going on in our lives. I hate that I let it lapse, but I am still struggling to figure out when I can write and at times just completely overwhelmed with life. So, here are a few updates with us.
I am still in classes at Liberty University Online, but am currently on a break. The plan right now is to start back up in May. I have 8 classes left and then I am done with my Master's. I am anxious to get it done, but when I am in classes I struggle to balance everything. My goal is to either be done by the end of this year, or by May of 2019. People continue to ask me what I am going to do when I finish my Master's. The answer is "I don't know." God has not revealed that part of the plan to me yet. Right now I am still doing the other things that God has called me to do...Matt and I lead our youth at Church and have for over a year (one of the things God called us to do). We love the time we get to spend with them and hope that we are continually pointing them to Christ. I am still homeschooling the kids (something God called us to do years ago), keeping up with the house and trying to pursue a few dreams. In January and February I took some sewing classes as I have always wanted to learn. It was so much fun to be able to do something that I have wanted to learn for over 20 years. We have come to the conclusion that this is not the house we want to grow old in and are planning to move again in the next year...which also has us all a bit unsettled, with that hanging over us. If I am completely honest one reason I have not revived the blog before now is that my confidence has taken quite a hit over the last year or so. Things people have said about me, about things I am posting on Facebook etc., along with personal things have really worn me down. It has made me doubt what I am supposed to be doing and I haven't felt free to just write anything without fear of criticism. I also play the comparison game...everyone has a blog and they all write better than me...but my intent with this blog has always been for it to be an outlet for me, and to keep others updated with what is going on in our world...it shouldn't matter if everyone else writes better than me...it is not a comparison game.
Matt recently got a new position (January, I think) at work, which is a huge blessing as it came with a pay raise. He is enjoying his new position, but it has been overwhelming as he was still doing his old position and several other things. In addition he has had to travel (he is gone now) while still learning all the ropes of his new position. He found out two different things this week that he hasn't been doing or doing completely. He is also helping with the teens at Church and helps me out quite a bit around the house. In his little bit of free time, when he is not hanging with us, he writes. He recently self published a book on Amazon.I am so proud of him for all the hard work he does. He loves to write and has very little time to do it, but he is already editing the second book in the series. He has more ideas then he has time to pursue, but God has surely gifted him in that way! Matt continues to be my best friend and #1 supporter, I am thankful for the ways that God has grown us over the years.
Kayla is 15, not sure when she got this old, LOL. She loves reading, music and sewing. She is still taking piano lessons, and has added voice and guitar lessons. She loves the guitar more than the piano and is actually more comfortable playing it. She is nervous about singing in front of others, but her voice teacher is making her do a solo in May at their end of the year performance. Although he did tell her if she wasn't comfortable with it, he would sing with her, so possibly a duet. She still takes sewing classes and absolutely loves them. She is thinking of being a part-time/full-time seamstress and we are trying to learn more about this and how she can pursue it. She still loves little kids and loves opportunities to play and hang out with them. We have signed her up for driver's ed, which she will be taking in April. In NC you have to go through the class before you can get your permit, it is a law here. She is really excited about that as well. She is still getting taller, she is currently somewhere between 5'6 and 5'7...She has been taller than me for what feels like forever. She doesn't really care for much in school, she does it because she has to, not because she wants to. She has always been difficult to challenge (she is in 10th grade), but I would love to be able to incorporate more of what she wants to do as opposed to what she has to do. Kayla is still a very caring, compassionate young lady and is still trying to figure out who she is going to be. She struggles with her confidence (it took a hit this past year) and does not like being in the spotlight at all.
Elijah is going to be 13 very soon...impossible that my baby is going to be a teenager. He is also growing, but struggles because he is shorter than his friends. He loves reading, playing the drums, playing basketball, playing with his friends and studying Bible Quizzing. He is also taking voice and drum lessons. He thinks he wants to be a video game designer when he gets older. He really dislikes school, especially writing and grammar, however, he does love History. He has a great sense of humor and can make me laugh at just about anything. He is caring and compassionate and hates to see people arguing and fighting, or for someone to simply raise their voice at him. He longs to be settled and all the changes we have dealt with and the stress of knowing we are moving again affects him more than others. Elijah is a deep thinker and is not afraid to ask questions or afraid to attempt to answer them either. If there is something he doesn't understand, but wants to, he will question you until it is all sorted out in his mind.
There are days like today, that I feel unsettled...and uncertain about what I am supposed to be doing...I know it's because I am overtired and didn't get enough sleep last night..or recently, LOL. But, I am thankful that I don't have to know it all, or understand everything. I just need to lean more into the One who holds my future and has a Perfect plan for my life. Thank you, Jesus, for all that you have blessed us with, in the good times and bad, thank you for holding us.