Disappointment

This summer, pretty quickly after the kids and I got to the states, Matt applied for a job in Huntsville, Alabama. A job that he would have loved, had promotion potential and would have had him in the states within 3 months, meaning the kids and I would have been able to stay in the states. We prayed about it, told family and close friends about it, and everyone was praying. The more we prayed the more we felt we were being led in that direction. I spent the entire summer figuring I was not coming back to Greece. I didn't watch what I bought, it didn't matter, I wouldn't have to put it back in suitcases because I was not going. We figured he'd know by the first of July. He didn't. We had to make a decision by the 8th of July as to whether or not he would come home. After much debate and prayer we decided he would come.  I needed to see him, the kids needed to see him, it would be nice if his family could get to see him. We still had not heard anything. We went about our plans (remember yesterday's post? Me and my plans?!) and by the 22nd of July we had not heard anything. We HAD to make a decision as to whether or not he would head back to Greece by himself or if all of us would go. I decided that we would all go back. It was a very difficult decision, but I felt like if he didn't get this job I could not separate our family for the next 7 months. Matt wanted us to stay in the states because he felt like it would be selfish if we came back with him, knowing how unhappy we would be. I just didn't feel right about it. I would rather us all be together. It was even harder to convince the kids. Elijah especially. He wanted NOTHING to do with coming back to Greece, he had made that clear all summer. However, I was able to convince him, using things that really mattered to him, that it would be best if we all came back. The kids were fine with the decision.
The very next evening we found out Matt did not get the job in Huntsville. We were all crushed, but I was SO thankful we had already made the decision to go back together, because it felt like a choice. If we had waited another day it would have felt beyond our control and it would have felt like we were being forced to go back. 
Even so, disappointment is not fun. We had made all these plans, and it was hard to let them go! It felt like our hopes and dreams were dying. It's hard when you feel led one way and then God says "No."
I am thankful that Matt did get to come home to the states, the timing was good, he got to see his family, our new niece, my other niece who he had not gotten to see in 3 years, he was able to be there for his grandmother's funeral and we were able to see some great friends. All our plans changed got changed and mixed up for the two weeks he was there, but it all worked out in the end.
Since we've been back, Matt applied one more time for a job in Huntsville, Alabama. This time we told no one, not even the kids. We found out this morning that he did not get that job either. Which means we are for sure going to be here until January. No more jobs will be posted until the new fiscal year which starts in October. If he does not find a job before January he will be forced to go back to the office he left, Charlotte, to whatever position they have available at that time for whatever pay it pays. He would also have to be in that position for a year before he could start applying for other jobs. They have already offered him two jobs, both of which he would hate and both at a pretty good pay cut. That is a very bitter, hard pill to swallow. I am already tired of being here and we have only been back for 2 weeks. I am tired of not being able to flush toilet paper, tired of all the little bugs in the dishes, in the bathroom, at times in our food. I am tired of how quickly dust accumulates. I am tired of not being around family. I am tired of missing out on major events. I am just tired.
However, I am thankful that we are all together. I am thankful that the kiddos school will be paid for again this year, I am thankful we will be able to get more out of debt and start saving for a house payment. I have worked hard to be positive since we've gotten back. Until today I have succeeded, but I am so tired and everything seems harder when you are tired, ya know?!
Please join us in praying in the next couple of months that God would open up the perfect job and the perfect location. We want to be in His will, not our own. 
One of my friends said to me right before we left, maybe we had not completed the work that God wanted us to do here. I don't know what exactly that work is or what it looks like, but I am holding on to the fact that we are supposed to be here and we need to finish some work.
I am also holding onto these promises:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

This has been my go to verse every since we started living overseas. It's not ever a stable environment because you know you are going to have to move every 2-3 years, so about the time you feel settled you have to start thinking about where you would like to go next. The kids are already restless too. Kayla said 2 nights ago she had a lot of questions, like "When are we going to move? Where are we going to end up?" She just wants to know. Me too. It's hard to plan when you don't know! But, at least Someone does and will guide our steps. 

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

I don't know about you, but I need all the help I can get. I need to keep looking up, taking it one day at a time. Then, it is manageable. When I try to look at 6 months it is overwhelming. 

"I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10b

It is only through His strength that we will be able to face the next 6 months. Not our own. I know compared to what a lot of you are going through, this is nothing. I realize that. However, this is where my heart is this morning.
Matt said yesterday that one of the things he has learned since we have been here is what really matters. I have to agree with him. I was reading Ecclesiastes earlier this week and it talks about how everything is meaningless apart from God. I totally agree with that. I want to be in God's work, I don't want to live my life in a meaningless way. I want to seek God more, searching out His will and making sure what I am doing matters to Him, in that way it is not meaningless.