Called to Adopt

Matt and I have felt like we were called to adopt for years. I know we talked about it a little bit when we were dating. We took a sign language class in college and we thought maybe one day we would have a deaf child or adopt one. Later, after we were married and had kids we still felt like we were called and would have conversations about it.

When we lived in Nairobi we talked and prayed about it a lot. I took Elijah to an orphanage every week for months. I would hold the babies, feed them, play with the toddlers and Elijah would just play. It was the sweetest thing to see. The Sister in charge of the orphanage would tell me weekly, which ever kid I wanted. I fell in love with two toddlers, a girl and a boy. The boy loved Elijah and followed him around every time we were there. But, thinking about where we would raise these children in the future it didn't seem like the right decision, so we put that dream on the shelf.

Over the years we have pulled it down and examined it, but for one reason or another it just wasn't right.

Recently, we pulled the dream down again. Matt brought it up in September. Every thing seemed to be going wrong with me and I told him I did not hear God talking to me about it. Let's leave it on the shelf a while longer.

A few weeks later I felt like God telling me it was time. I told Matt and we started discussing it again. I got out the books we have on Adoption and started reading, trying to figure out the first steps. (Yes, we have books, we've had them for years). Obviously being overseas we knew that there would be a few obstacles to overcome. We didn't know if it was possible to adopt over here or not. A lot of people who adopt typically go to other countries to get children. We have always felt like we would adopt from the foster care system in the United States. There are over 100,000 waiting children in the United States alone, which boggles my mind. I think what turns some people off about the foster care in the States is that they are mostly older children. However, their are younger children as well. So, as I was researching the adoption and looking at many different sites, I happened across one that assisted military families who are stationed abroad adopt from the US foster system! I was so excited. I got on the phone and called them.

Of course they would be happy to assist us and even though they did not have a social worker who was stationed in Greece, they did have one in the UK so it would still work out.

Before we went any further we both felt like God was telling us that we needed to talk to the kids. It was not a mom and dad decision, it was definitely a family decision. We called a family meeting and sat down and brought the idea up with the kids. We were fully expecting some resistance to the idea, especially from Elijah who doesn't like change or handle it particularly well. They were both overjoyed, excited and ready for the process to start and a kid to move in right away :) We discussed the age of the child/children we would want, the gender and the race of the child. The kids were adamant that they only wanted white children, a girl and boy between the ages of 3-5, maybe a bit older or younger.

Armed with this information I went back and got on the phone again. I talked to the same lady I had previously talked to and she still felt like this could work. I immediately printed off the adoption application, Matt and I filled it out and put it in the mail. It took 11 days before it reached it's first port in the US. It wasn't a big deal. We knew we needed 10 hours of classes before the home study could be done, so we bought the 10 hour package (online classes) and got to work. At this point we have done 6 hours of classes.

Last week we had decided that we were going to start telling everyone what was going on with us. We were so excited and couldn't wait to tell our family and friends. The exact same day that I was going to start telling everyone I got an email from one of the ladies with the agency stating that she wasn't sure they would be able to help us. Her email stated:

 "Hi Cindy, We have received your application in the mail.  In talking with DR. X(the director of our company), she is concerned that we might not be able to do a foster care adoption in Greece.  Could you remind me of your situation in Greece-- your husband works for the XXX?  where are you located in Greece?  I can't remember from our phone conversation if we discussed what access you have to US services (educational, therapy, etc.). I think we talked about the foster adoption program typically being available to military families only, unless a family can demonstrate access to the same services that a military family would have.  The other concern is that, as we discussed, the children available for overseas placement are typically much older than the parameters you are searching for-- usually ages 7 and up.  We want to make sure this is a feasible program for you before pursuing it further.  Please let me know this additional information.  Thanks so much, XXXXX"

Okay, I had had multiple phone conversations with several people at their company, so this was a major bummer email. It put the breaks on us breaking the news to everyone. Matt was like, they didn't so no, let's not be discouraged. I emailed them back, laying the situation out again and told them we would still like to proceed.
The next email read:

"Hi Cindy,  Let me clarify regarding the age of children available.  It isn't the fact that you are overseas  that makes finding younger children more difficult (I didn't say that correctly in my last e-mail).  It is that typically by the time these children are listed in these state photolistings and outside agencies are being used to help with placement, it is because these are the children that are harder to place-- they are older, or have special needs, or are part of a sibling group.  Even though younger children come into the foster care system, caseworkers don't have as hard of a time finding adoptive placements for younger children.  They may be placed with extended family, or with a local foster care family, or a family that already has some siblings of the child, etc.  After these resources are exhausted, they look to others, and typically will look for in-state resources first, and then out-of-state (including overseas families).The other piece that XXXXX and I didn't realize is that the cost for the program would be significantly higher because we don't have a social worker local to you.  It would be $XXXX for the searching fee but then another $XXXX to cover travel expenses related to the supervision of the child.  Our president, Dr. X, will be reviewing your application and will let you know if we think this can work or not.  She also will give you an honest assessment of whether you can find a child that meets the parameters you are looking for.

Sorry for any confusion."

 

At this point we went back to the kids and told them it may not be a possibility. I should point out that they have talked a lot about it and Elijah had been praying multiple times a day for the "adoption to go well." It was super sweet. When listing our prayer requests at night Kayla was also saying that she wanted us to pray about the adoption.

So, this week we got the final email:

 

"Hi Cindy,

This is XXXX.  I am the Director for Social Work Services at XXX.  I wanted to follow up on XXX's last email with you.  We have discussed your case with Dr. X, as well.  We concur with XXX's assessment and last email.  We will be happy to assist you with finding a child to adopt from foster care, but it will definitely be an older child.  While we do think a placement in Greece may be possible, it is one that will take time and be more difficult because of your location. That is reflected, too, in the price of XXXX+ XXXX.

I realize this is a difficult decision, and while I wish I could give you more a more concrete answer, we cannot predict the foster care system or how open it will be to placing a child in Greece.  We do, however, want to be honest with you up front and be realistic about the child parameters we would be able to meet.

Please give it some thought and let me know if you would like to proceed.
Regards, XXXXX"
 

We went back to the kids and told them we didn't think it was going to work. That we did not feel like an older child was going to fit in our family. They surprised us at the time by going back on what they had previously said and said they would be fine with an older child. We discussed it at length and left it to rest. Later Matt and I talked about it again. He brought up several good points. He was pretty sure the kids were speaking from their loneliness and wanting more kids to play with, than from a strong desire to have another sibling their age or older. I am upset, but know that God has a plan. Maybe we were just supposed to finally be obedient to this calling. Regardless, Matt and I have decided not to continue with the process. Matt is sure it's the right decision, I am a bit torn. The call was very clear, the ending, to me, not as much.
 

Last night Kayla said "I thought you said you felt like God is calling you to adopt?" And we said to her, we do. However, it may be that God was testing our faith, wanting us to be obedient to the call that He has placed on our hearts may years ago. We don't know the reason that the answer is "no" for now (or maybe forever), but we will place this dream back on the shelf. We trust in the one who has all the answers and says "I will never leave you nor forsake you" Hebrews 13:5b.
 

One thing I do know, is that "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
 

I hope I don't make it sound like this was an easy decision or that it doesn't affect us. It affects us very much and I have some unhappy kids who don't understand why it's not a good decision to bring in children that are as old as they are or older.
 

We love children and we will continue to love on and spoil our children and those around us. We are very blessed to have two healthy, lovable children and will continue to be content with that. We know we are blessed and we know how many people struggle to have children and never get the chance. My challenge to you would be to support those around you who struggle and show them love. Support them in their adoption efforts, financially if you can, with words encouragement, prayers and any other way you can think to be an encouragement. If you have ever felt called to adopt, what are you waiting for? There are so many children who need a good home. We would love to be able to provide a home and lots of love, but unfortunately, it doesn't work out for us at this time. Does it work for you? If you have not felt called to adopt or don't know anyone who is adopting, why not pray for the kids in the foster care system. Let's not continue to talk about all the kids who get lost in the system, but let's change the system and help these children to be "found."
 

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." John 14:18
 

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27