Self-Control

We've all seen the seemingly crazy people, yelling at anybody or anything over any slight perceived injustice. Maybe you've been that person. Or, maybe you have seen or heard the person who only yells at her family for those slight things, or in the moment those seemingly big things. Maybe you've been that person, I know I have. I'm not likely to go off on people in public, or even my family (usually) in public. But, being at home it's a different story.

What makes these people do these things?

What makes me do them?

Well, I was tired.

I didn't get enough sleep.

I couldn't help it.

You don't know what I was going through.

You don't know how hard my life is.

Well if you had to live with (insert medical issues here) you would react that way too.

These are just a bunch of excuses. They are not why we do what we do, they are reasons that we EXCUSE what we do. (Stay with me here!)

So, why do we do it?

The answer is simple...it is a lack of self-control.

What is self-control:

self-con·trol

noun

1. the ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, especially in difficult situations.

   "Lucy silently struggled for self-control"

   synonyms:

   self-discipline, restraint, self-possession, self-command, willpower,composure, coolness

Did you catch that definition? It bears repeating...the ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions! 

Did you see the synonyms: Self-discipline, restraint.

Unfortunately we live in a world where self-control has gone out the window. Most people seem unable to control themselves and then just excuse their behavior away. I'm sorry, but that's not right. When we explode at people, it is a choice. We are choosing not to practice self-control, and in essence are simply being selfish. We are only thinking of ourselves and how we feel, what we are going through. We need to stop being selfish and short sighted and start looking at others, how we can help them and build them up. (We don't know what they are going through) And, just because we say we're sorry when we have lost it on someone still doesn't make it okay. Once the words are spoken they can't be taken back. The person may forgive us, but it takes a lot longer for the hurt to go away.

The Bible has a lot to say about self-control: 

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is not law." Galatians 5:22-23

"But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God-having a form of godliness but denying its power,. Have nothing to do with such people." 2 Timothy 3:1-5

I never thought about it before, with self-control being listed with brutal, abusive, ungrateful, but isn't that what it looks like when we lose control? Brutal, abusive and ungrateful. Have you ever seen someone lose control and it was pretty and right? Of course not...it's not pretty, it's actually pretty ugly!

"Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined." Titus 1:8

I don't know about you, but I would much rather be hospitable and disciplined, than ungrateful and brutal.

"As Paul talked about righteousness, self-control and the judgement to come, Felix was afraid and said, 'That's enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.'" Acts 24:25

Are you like Felix? Afraid and waiting for a more convenient time to hear about being self-controlled? Or actually practicing self-control? I'll be more patient when I get more sleep or I will be more self-controlled when (insert excuse here).

I have news  for you. We aren't promised tomorrow. Not one of us. We only have this moment, right now. Cancer is hitting people younger and younger, a friend was telling me about her friend who is 38 and having a double mastectomy, young children die every day, our parents aren't getting any younger and neither are we. Tragedy strikes all the time. What if you explode in anger and those are the last words ever spoken to your parent, your spouse, your sibling, your child? Is that really how you want to be remembered? As brutal, abusive and without control?

 What are you waiting for? There's never been a better time, than right now, to get things right. 

Is it easy? No, it's not. It's actually hard to be self-disciplined and self-controlled.

But, here's a secret for you, the more you practice self-control, the easier it gets. It's a choice. We may not be able to control the circumstances we find ourselves in, or I should say we won't be able to control the circumstances we find ourselves in, but we definitely have a choice as to how we react to them. Do you realize that? It is a choice. You can choose to explode, or you can choose to pause, take a moment to collect yourself and then react. I don't think anyone ever regretted pausing before they spoke, but I can guarantee you everyone of us has regretted not pausing.

This is a lesson I am trying to teach my kids (and I am constantly working on myself. I am not perfect. I will never be perfect, but I am trying to do my best.) 

You may have seen my post the other day on Facebook, about whining children when we were out running and exercising. In the post I said what I said to my child "I will spank you in front of God and everybody if you don't stop crying!" I didn't say it in anger, and I said it very evenly. But, it was still a lack of control on my part. I didn't want to spank my child and really didn't want to say that to him at all, but I let me emotions rule me, instead of ruling my emotions and spoke out in aggravation. But, I also told that child when he said "I can't help it." That he could indeed control how he reacted to what I was wanting him to do. It takes more effort to cry when you run than it does just to run. It just requires a small measure of self-control.

I am going to take it one step further. Every time you explode and lose your self-control, you are giving the devil a foothold. Every time you pause and wait, you are turning toward God.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Will you join me in being more self-controlled? Teaching our children, the next generation, to be self-controlled? If we don't teach them, no one else will.