I try really hard to keep things in perspective and have a positive attitude, but some days are seriously harder than others. Today is one of those days. I slept a little bit better last night (ie, I had a run of about 4 solid hours of sleep), but I am still tired today. I woke up at 4am and finally crawled out of bed at 5:40am because I was afraid all my tossing and turning was going to wake up Matt. No sense in punishing him just because I couldn't sleep. I had a good attitude, despite the early start. I figured I'd get up, start my coffee, eat breakfast and do my devotions before any one else was up.
At 5:55am Elijah came out of his room and said "This is unexpected!" I said "What, me already being up?" He said "Yes." I thought it was funny. Then he sat on the floor debating his breakfast options and couldn't make up his mind what he wanted to eat. I said to him "It's only 6am, do you think you might be having a hard time deciding what you want because you are not hungry yet?" He looked at me and grinned. I said to him "You don't have to eat breakfast just because I am!" He didn't need to be told twice, he grabbed a book and his glasses and went and sat on the couch to read.
Once we got school underway I could tell Elijah was tired (of course I knew he was, he was up before 6). He kept grumbling a bit.
A little later my cell phone rang and since I didn't recognize the number, I answered the phone (I don't usually, but I have been waiting on medical results). It was the hospital that did my lab work on Saturday saying they needed an additional test.
I was like "Wait a minute, what?" I had three blood draws on Saturday, how could they possibly need another test. Not, only that, but they were telling me it's an emergency, I need to come today, I have to be there and lay down for two hours, I couldn't reach Matt, didn't have cab fare, would have to take the kids etc...Very long, frustrating story later, they had done the test wrong AGAIN. This will be my third time having to do this test. They were going to try to charge me for it again also (not full amount), but I had the Dr. at the Embassy call and take care of that. It was a very expensive test, that I have now paid for twice and I am hoping and praying that this is the final test, done properly!
After finally getting off the phone with everyone I need to talk to, I took my blood pressure and it was 148/101, no surprise there, my blood is still boiling.
I went back in the school room and of course, my patience was pretty much gone. Elijah started grumbling more and saying he just wanted to play. After saying it three times I was like "Go take a break. Go play, and come back in a little bit." I was not going to fight with him. I knew in my current state of mind (and his!) it would not end well. I am thankful that God helped me to remain calm and not take my frustrations out on Elijah.
We are going to go first thing in the morning for my third retest, so if you think about it, pray for us Tuesday morning.
I know in the scheme of things, this is a very minor deal. I know that this too shall pass. As I was reading a bit this morning, I came across this:
"If it's mentionable, it's manageable." Fred Rogers
That is a very profound thought and one that hit me hard. It's a very true statement. How many things are going on in other parts of the world that are very difficult to talk about and process?
How can I truly complain when people have it so much worse than I do? This is just an inconvenient blip, but in the scheme of things, is it really a big deal?
I am thankful for perspective. It doesn't necessarily make my situation better, but I can view it through new eyes. It doesn't lower my blood pressure either, but I can go dance with my children (blessed to have my children with me and not being persecuted for their faith), clean my house (thankful for the roof over my head, I'm not homeless!), finish the laundry (thank you, Lord, we have clothes to wear and machines to clean them in), sweep and mop (again, I have floors and carpets under our feet) and by the time I have distracted myself with all that, I should have lowered my blood pressure and be in a better mood. If not, at least I will have a clean house :)
"Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3
I cannot entirely describe my feelings on her turning twelve. She has brought and continues to bring so much joy into our lives. She changes daily and I feel so incredibly blessed to be such a huge part of her life. But, as she continues to get older, our time together gets shorter and I know it's a part of life, but I just don't feel ready!
Kayla, my sweet daughter, I am so incredibly blessed to be called your Mom. You are so beautiful, inside and out. I love seeing your sense of humor. I love seeing you persevere in difficulty and coming out stronger. I love seeing you interact with your brother, you were made for the big sister role and you do it so well! Your love for your brother shows and he has the best sister in the world, and he knows it! I love your sweet spirit, your willingness to help others and your love of little kids and your kindness to others. You are like me in so many ways, but you are so uniquely you as well. I think you are an incredible musician and I am so excited to see where God leads you. I pray that you will continue to be a blessing to those around you and that you will always look to God for guidance. I also pray that you will be a leader and not a follower. I love you so much more than I ever thought would be possible. You are amazing and I look forward to see you continue to change and grow in God's grace.
10th...
