Shattered

I have been in a horrible funk all week and haven't been able to shake it. I feel like I am wooden, wound really tight. On the other hand, I feel very fragile, like glass. The tension keeps mounting and more and more gets piled on. If I am not careful, I truly feel like I am going to shatter.

 

This morning as I was getting ready for Church the song "Carry Me" by Josh Wilson came on and it brought me to tears, one part really expresses how I feel:

 

I'm at the end of myself
I know I've got nothing left
Feels like I'm stuck in the valley of the shadow of death
And I've been down here so long
I just can't find my way out
Oh God I don't stand a chance
Unless You carry me now
God carry me now

I played the song several times over, really listening to the words and asking God to carry me. I know he does, but when you are in the valley, it is sometimes really hard to see God. I know I am not the only one in the valley right now, I've got a lot of people right down there with me. If you are currently not in a valley, will you pray for those that are? And, if you are in a valley, pray for God to soften your heart and notice the others in the valley with you and lift them up in prayer??

 

The whole song:

I try to catch my breath
It hasn't happened yet
I'm wide awake in the middle of the night scared to death
So I prayed God, would You make this stop
Father please hold on to me, You're all I've got

Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now

Jesus calm my heart
Come near me please
Lord don't let these worries get the best of me
Oh I believe, that You're still here with me
Cause You meant what You said when You said You'd never leave

Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now

Carry me
God carry me
Carry me
God carry me

I'm at the end of myself
I know I've got nothing left
Feels like I'm stuck in the valley of the shadow of death
And I've been down here so long
I just can't find my way out
Oh God I don't stand a chance
Unless You carry me now
God carry me now

Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now

Carry me now
Carry me now
Carry me now
Carry me now

 

If you prefer to hear it...and I recommend you do listen to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCzW0VlFbgU

Career Choices

See my previous post Paralyzed if you get confused and can't quite follow this post.

 

Once I figured out what my problem was with making any decisions regarding Kayla's school for next year and letting my fears go, God got my creative juices flowing.

 

I decided I would find books on Careers and have her read them, to help her get some idea on what she would like to be when she grows up. Right now she loves to read and isn't very concerned with her future. When I asked her what she wanted to do when she grows up she said "I'd kind of like to keep my violin and teach my best friends music." That's it. I don't think she realizes that just teaching her friends isn't going to pay the bills.

 

So, I thought it would be a great idea for her to learn more about what's out that and see what interests her. Please understand me here, I am not wanting her to make a decision today. I understand that she is only 11 and in the 6th grade. I understand that things that interest her today might not interest her tomorrow. However, by reading about the different things out there, it will help her to understand her interests more.
 

Once I started thinking about it and talking to Matt about it, more ideas started to flow. I decided not only would I have her read about it I would also have her write about each career, things that interested her and things that didn't.

 

A few hours later, I decided to take it further. I will have her read each book, write three things she learned about the career, what subjects she would need to study should she decide she wants to pursue the career, some things she learned about it, what she liked and didn't like about it. I may even have her write anything that would prevent her from pursuing that career.

 

I am still brainstorming ideas and will come up with a rubric to follow, so I don't forget what I want her to do. I am thankful that I am no longer consumed by fear and am able to get my creativity flowing again.

 

I am also very thankful that we do home school and we can spend some time on this!

 

I hope that through this project Kayla will have a better understanding of herself and things that interest her and things that don't. In that way, I will better understand her academic needs. If she decides she wants to become a Marine Biologist I will know that she will need a lot of Science and we need to get serious in middle school. If she wants to become a Vet, she will need lots of Science and Math. If she wants to become a Chef then I know she will need to study consumer Science, emphasizing cooking or nutrition, business Math, Business administration, but maybe she won't need to be so serious in seventh grade!